Challenge fic: All's Well That Ends Well
by TopHat
Summary: My entry in the slave for a day challenge; The joes raise money by auctioning each other off. This story revolves around Iceberg "buying" Scarlett and has mild Duke/Scarlett romance


Title: Challenge Fic All's Well that Ends Well 

Chapter: 1/1

Author(s): TopHat

Rating: R

Pairing: 

Disclaimer: I don't own the Joes and I'm not making money off this story. Wish I was! he he

Summary: This is my entry for a challenge contest that was issued some time back and is intended to pacify Mickey who has been bugging me about LT. (By the way I'll have another chapter up end of this week/early next whenever life slows down:) ). Anyways, the challenge is on the topic "Slave for a Day"; for some reason (left up to the author's imagination) the Joes are auctioning each other off to raise money. The characters I was assigned are Scarlett and Iceberg. I was given two items and one phrase that I had to write into the story. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell-that being part of the challenge but I wouldn't anyways-what fun would it be if I told? 

Warnings: Language and implied sexual situations.  

Challenge Fic: All's Well that End's Well

"You are insane, man!" Iceberg turned to shipwreck. 

"The plan is fool proof!  Nothing can go wrong!  We way more deserve Scarlett than Duke. And in that outfit I found she'll be the perfect slave!"  

"Are you sure, man? Duke will get plenty mad if he finds out!" 

"Nothing will go wrong. Now, let's go over the plan again.  I'll distract him and in the confusion we'll take care of his phone. When we're outside the office we'll nail these boards across the doorway. There's no way he can get out! His office door only opens from the outside-I know because I rigged it that way!  Now are you ready to start operation 'Slave for a Day?' "

"Yeah!" 

 "The lets go!" 

Scarlett was walking down the hall towards the cafeteria. She couldn't believe she had agreed to do this. Put herself up for auction in front of a bunch of army guys? Get real. 

            "Well, it's a worthy cause, after all. " she tried to console herself. It wasn't as if she didn't think toys for tots was worthy-it just wasn't the reason she was doing this. With a little help from Jaye, who had convinced her to do this, she would wind up leaving the auction with Duke. What would come of it, well she didn't really know.  If Duke wasn't at the auction then she was moving on.  She had waited long enough for the man to make a move. This was his last chance. 

            While Scarlett was on her way to the auction Duke was sitting in his office wondering how things would go. Jaye had finally convinced him that he should "buy" Scarlett. He didn't think Scarlett would go for the whole "slave for a day" thing-especially since he had yet to get up the nerve to ask her out but Jaye had brought up a convincing point. Would he rather she go to Shipwreck or Iceberg or any of the other men who had made it known they would spare no expense to get her. Better him than those idiots. 

Speaking of Shipwreck, the sailor waltzed right on into his office with out so much as knocking. "Hey, Duke, how's it going?" 

Duke scowled at him, "Don't you know how to knock?" 

"Oh, ah, sorry. Ya got a minute? I've got a great plan to boost troop moral." 

Duke looked pointedly at his watch, "I don't really have time." 

"It won't take a minute, but, if you don't have time now, I could always come by after the auction. "

"All right, you have five minutes, start talking."

Shipwreck grinned, "Five minutes is all I need." He started talking in circles. 

Five minutes went by and a knock came at the door. It was Iceberg this time. Iceberg motioned for Duke to come to the door, waving a piece of paper. 

"Come on in, Shipwreck was just leaving." 

While Iceberg and Shipwreck were bumping into each other (literally) deciding whether Shipwreck should go past first or if Iceberg should just squeeze in Duke closed his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. It was all the window they needed. Iceberg squeezed out a drops of liquid onto Duke's cell phone while Shipwreck sliced the phone cord in half.  Shipwreck left his office, 'finally', Duke thought to himself. He had begun to wonder if that damn sailor was ever going to get to the point and get out of his office. Iceberg followed right behind, leaving a scribbled message on Duke's desk.  "What the hell? This is a nursery rhyme!" He didn't remember anyone using nursery rhymes for code; he'd have to run that by Breaker. "Bang, Bang, Tap, Tap, Buzz, Buzz" 

A loud noise sounded just outside his office. "What the hell?" It sounded like a construction crew outside his door. Duke leaped up and ran to the door. It wouldn't open. He heard voices outside. "Hey, what's going on?! Hey!" he pounded on the door. "Let me out of here!"  The voices quickly faded. "Wait until I get out! I'll make you regret it!"  

"That should hold him for a while! Come on the auction is about to start, we don't want to be late!" 

"Who's out there? Open this damn door! Hey!" 

After pounding on the door for a moment Duke moved to his desk picked up his phone-it was dead. He picked up his cell phone. If I can't get out I'll just call and get someone to break me out!"  He mumbles to himself, 528-…. "Damn it!"  A row of buttons on his cell phone had been eaten away by acid. The 5 included. This was not his day.  He had to make it to the auction. He didn't even want to contemplate at this point what his life would be like if he missed it. Seeing no other alternative he went back to pounding on the door, Surely Flint would come by to remind him of the auction. After a while he stopped pounding on the door. It obviously wasn't going to do any good. Shauna was going to kill him, literally, when he got out of here. He was sitting on the floor leaning his head against the door, pondering his fate. His gaze drifted to his desk and a small collection of photographs, some framed, others pinned to the wall or tucked into the corner of a framed picture. Visitors who sat across the desk often noticed the frequent occurrence of one woman in the photos. Now that he noticed it she was in virtually every picture on his desk. He was often asked if she were his girlfriend, he would reply with a smile, no, just a really close friend. Lately he wished he could answer differently; tell anyone who asked, "Hell yes, she's mine, and you'd do well to remember that!" Truth be told he had been possessive of her since the moment they met. He used to be able to pass it off as brotherly concern, or protection, which was a laugh since she could take better care of herself than he could. His gaze focused on two pictures, amongst the few that he had actually take the time to frame. The first was a group shot of Flint, Lady Jaye, Scarlett, and himself. He had one arm draped across Scarlett's shoulders, his hand holding onto a beer bottle, a huge grin on his face.  The other photo was a picture of just the two of them standing on a purple boat, yes purple, that was christened 'purple water wings'. It was a picture from a vacation he had gone on with Scarlett, Flint, and LJ. Flint had made all the arrangements. He commissioned the cheapest boat he could find that still ran and had bunkroom for all of them. The man who owned the boat had always dreamed of deep-sea fishing. The problem was he couldn't swim and his wife hated to fish. The man had bought the boat, had it painted purple, his wife's favorite color, and had given it to her as an anniversary present. They christened it "Purple Water Wings". The man had told them he named her "water wings" because she would keep him out of the water-safe from drowning. The man had been Looney Toons. Duke studied the photo. He was helping her reel in a fish. It had wound up being dinner that night. That was the moment, standing there, the sun warm on his bare back, his arms wrapped around Scarlett making sure she wouldn't be swept overboard in her enthusiasm. That was the moment when he realized he was in love with her. Not that he had done anything about it. It had shocked the hell out of him. He had been prepared to do something tonight to empty his bank account if necessary, to prevent anyone else from buying her. He would treat her to dinner, he could cook some, dancing, anything she wanted. He was going to tell her while they were dancing, exactly how special she was to him. If all went well, he would at least kiss her.

Scarlett looked out over the crowd of people. She didn't see Duke. 'Where the hell is he?' she wondered. What if he didn't make it? What if he decided not to come?

Scarlett peered out over the crowd. The bidding was about to begin. Shipwreck and Iceberg slunk into the auditorium. There was just no other way to describe it, they slunk  "What's up with them?" she wondered aloud to herself 

They waved at her, grinning. Uh oh, that wasn't good. Scarlett ducked back behind the curtain. She didn't think she could stomach this any longer. She made it as far as the stairwell behind the curtains before LJ grabbed her arm. "Where do you think you're going?" 

"I changed my mind, I can't do this, I was insane to agree to this!" 

"Scarlett, honey, he'll be here, don't worry. Just think, in less than an hour you could be slaving away for Duke." Scarlett frowned

"Use your imagination honey! He's tall, muscular, not quite as good looking as Flint, but hey, I'm sure he'll be able to show you a good time." Lady Jaye was actually smirking

"Allie!"

"Come on, honey, lighten up!  It 'll be fun. Remember the rules, nothing illegal."

That didn't reassure her any. Behind her friend's back Allie motioned Flint to come over. She pointed to Scarlett's back and made a push motion with her hands. Flint got the idea. He planted his foot soundly on her rear and pushed. 

Scarlett shot out onto the stage with a surprised 'yelp!' 

Ace started the bidding, "Alright, what will you give for a day of slavery from our very own Southern Bell?"

Flint came from behind the curtains to hold onto Scarlett lest she get the idea to flee.   "I'll give $50!" he yelled 

"I hear $50 will anyone give $75? Come on men, this is a chance in a lifetime!"

Shipwreck called out "$75!" Iceberg whapped him on the head, "Hey, just helping out a good cause!"

"I hear $75, will anyone give $100? What a bargain, all right, I see $100! Who will give me $125?"

Flint scanned the auditorium for Duke. Just great, he wasn't here. Hawk probably called. 'He had better hurry!' Flint thought to himself as he tried to hold onto a squirming Scarlett, who incidentally, was shooting daggers at everyone who made a bid. The bid was up to $250. Duke had better make it fast or this plan was going to go down the drain. 

"I hear $500 from Iceberg, who will give me $525? Anyone? What a beauty she is! Going once, going twice, sold! Iceberg you are one lucky man! Come and get her!" 

Scarlett shot a pleading look at Flint but all he could do was shake his head in dismay. He couldn't exactly tell her that the whole plan had been for Duke to "buy" her. He had serious doubt that anyone would have put in even a paltry bid if he hadn't started them off. Flint just didn't have $500 to spend. 

"Come to Papa, baby!" 

"I'll get you for this Dashiell Faireborn!"  

Flint gulped. Well, he at least had twenty-four hours before she could do anything. Of course he would have less than that when Duke found out his best friend had auctioned off the girl of his dreams to some idiot who spent all his time in the snow. Nope, this was not good. 

Scarlett glumly followed Iceberg back to the room he shared with Snow Job.   

 "Here, put this on." Iceberg handed her what looked like a very skinny ballet dancer's outfit. 

"I don't think so." She narrowed her eyes at him and crossed her arms over her chest. 

"Remember you have to do whatever I tell you for twenty-four hours!" 

Scarlett silently cursed Allie, "Fine, what is it?" 

"A sugar plum fairy dress."

"A what?"

"You know, sugar plum fairies, Gung Ho read everyone Cajun Night Before Christmas the other day,  '…and visions of sugarplums danced in their heads.' Well that's what you're going to do."

"I'm going to dance like a bleep bleep fairy?"

"Tsk Tsk, watch that language!" He held out the "dress" and motioned pointedly towards the bathroom

Scarlett emerged half an hour later with her hair pinned up and wearing Iceberg's sick version of a children's costume. Scarlett actually thought it was a children's costume. It was certainly small enough. It had a tendency to ride up her ass, deepening the scowl on her face. 

"You have to be the sloppiest house keeper I've ever seen! My brother's aren't this messy and they played football!" 

"Hmm, well it wasn't the first thing I was going to have you do, but what the hell, Slave, I command you to clean my room."

Scarlett just stood there, in her ballet costume, glaring at him. "You must seriously be kidding." 

Iceberg went to a box in the corner of the common room. "Snowjob picked this stuff up a few weeks ago, I just haven't had the time to put it to good use." 

He handed her a bag of cleaning supplies. "I'll just bet you haven't had time." She grumbled at him. 

"Before you start, make me a sandwich."

"Why don't you just walk down to the cafeteria and get one. I've never been accused of being a good cook. I may poison you on accident. On second thought, I'd be glad to." 

"Never mind. Just get started. I'll get the damn sandwich myself."

She noticed Iceberg made no move to go out the door. "Is the door stuck?"

Iceberg paled slightly, "You just get on with it!" 

"Fine, you don't have to yell." 

An hour later Scarlett could hear his stomach starting to make rude noises. She guessed he just didn't want to leave her 'unattended'. 

The real reason he didn't want to leave was because he figured the boards he and Shipwreck had nailed across Duke's door (weren't they lucky that the last time the base was bombed the clean up crew (Shipwreck) had put the door on backwards so it opened to the outside only) wouldn't hold forever. Iceberg didn't want to be anywhere near base when he got loose. As it was he was only going to have Scarlett as a slave for the next sixteen hours before he had to go back to the Artic. Shipwreck owed him $250 for the rest of Scarlett's term of service. "Ha ha" Let Shipwreck deal with Duke when he got out. I'll be safely tucked away on the other side of the world. As soon as Duke got free he would find Flint. Flint would tell Duke who had "bought" Scarlett and then life, as he knew it would be over. 

While Iceberg was pondering his fate, Scarlett was cleaning the bathroom, so to speak anyways. Comet was indeed great stuff. Just add water and watch it work. Of course, a little scrubbing helped too. There weren't any scrubbers in the bag Iceberg had given her, so she improvised. She found a toothbrush and got started. He'd never be the wiser. She took a mop out next, dipped it the toilet and used it to clean the shower, the mirror, and the floor. She stripped off her gloves and walked back out to the common room. 

"Finished already?"

"Yeah, the comet just needs to percolate." 

"You make it sound like coffee."

"Not all that different."

He looked at her confused but decided not to push the issue. It hadn't taken her as long to clean the bathroom as he had thought it would. "Oh, well then you can start on my room now." He pointed towards an unopened door behind him. 

            While Scarlett was slaving away in Iceberg's quarters Duke was attempting to break out of his office.  He had been pounding intermittently for nearly two hours. In between banging he had spent a good hour or more gazing longingly at the pictures of Scarlett he kept on his desk. "They don't call you man of action' because you sit on your ass all day and ponder fate. Hell no! Where there's a will there's a way. I just have to figure out where the 'way' is." He gazed once more at the desk for inspiration. His eyes locked on a picture with Scarlett looking upwards. He followed her gaze up until his eyes were looking straight at the ceiling. "Ceiling . . . ceiling tiles…just maybe. " Duke stood on top of his desk and pushed a ceiling tile over. It would be a tight fit but if he could wedge his shoulders in he could life the rest of his body up and crawl out of his office through the ceiling. Duke stacked an unopened box of printer paper on his desk and stepped up. He was able to twist his shoulders at a diagonal and wiggle his arms through. The rest was a piece of cake. He pulled the rest of his body through and set off crawling through the maze of pipes and hoses. The metal support beams were made to hold ceiling tiles-not former drill sergeants who had played football most of their lives.  The beams creaked and groaned with the sudden extra weight. "Shit! Damnation!" Duke cried out as his kneecap hit the sprinkler line. He wasn't going fast-there wasn't enough room to go fast-but when he tried to stand up he caught knee again on the sprinkler line this time sending him flying-crashing down through the ceiling tiles. He was saved from crashing by his bootlace that had miraculously hooked over the line. He swung back and forth, back and forth, back and forth his mouth gaped open in shock at what-or who-he nearly landed on. There Flint and LJ were sprawled across Flint's desk half naked locked in an amorous embrace.   

            "What the hell?" Flint cried 

            "Can't you two ever get a room?" Duke growled at them 

            Flint and Lady Jaye manage to untangle themselves and cut Duke down. 

            "Where is she?" he demanded as soon as his feet were on the ground. 

            Flint and LJ looked at each other and shock their heads. There was no telling where she was. Who she was with was definite but they didn't think he needed to know that; at least not yet. He had not, after all showed up for the auction-thereby forfeiting his right to ask about Scarlett. 

            "Who has her?" he demanded, his tone of voice reverting back to his drill sergeant days. 

            "You can't do anything about it for 24 hours." 

            Duke picked up Flint by the collar; "Where_  _ is _ _ she_ _?" he bit off each word 

            "You weren't at the auction."

            "And you didn't hear all the banging going on next door?" 

            "Uh…"

            "Well?" he barked

            "Uh…"

            "Let me guess…you were 'otherwise occupied." 

            No answer. Flint and LJ just look at each other. Duke gets mad and walks out. 

            As Duke is talking to Flint Iceberg calls Shipwreck to check up on their captive.  

            "Hey man, is he still in his office?" 

            "Not to worry good buddy, Duke is locked up tighter than a drum!" 

            "Now listen you mangy sailor, I'm not going get me my ass strung up for this-it was your idea!"

            "Yeah, but we decided that since it was your money that bought Scarlett you would get to have her first. Besides, what do you care, you're going to be on your way to the Artic tomorrow. There's no way Duke will get out before then. "

            "Fine. I'm hungry, since you're sure he's not out yet I'm going to get slave to go fetch me a sandwich. You want one?" 

            "Sure thing, but what I really want is to see Scarlett walk down to the mess hall in the fairy costume. You gave it to her didn't you?"

            Iceberg began to laugh, "Oh, yeah. And man what a sight!  I'm sending her out now. She should be in the mess hall in about five minutes. You still holding the auction?"

"Duh."

"Save me something good.  I'm going to pack my bag myself-I don't trust her not to put rocks in my bag and let me freeze my ass off."

            "It's not your ass that would freeze off!"

            "Why you mangy sailor…" the line went dead. 

            "Slave!" he bellows

            Scarlett takes her time getting up and walking out to the common room where Iceberg is sitting in his favorite chair watching television. 

            "You bellowed?" 

            "Yeah. Go get me a sandwich. And don't try anything funny-Shipwreck is going to be watching you!"

            "I'm not going out there dressed like this!" 

            "Okay, go naked.  I'm sure the boys wouldn't mind." 

            "Why you…."

            "Now, now Scarlett, remember what I said earlier about language!  Besides you don't have anything else to wear."

            "What do you mean I don't have anything else to wear? What did you do with my clothes?" 

            "Shipwreck has them." 

            "You gave that sailor my clothes!"

            "Yeah, he's going to auction them off in the mess hall." 

            Scarlett bolted out the door and ran down to the mess hall. 

While Scarlett attempts to retrieve her clothes-and some small bit of dignity.  Duke stops everyone he passes outside Flint's office. Since they all no about the auction no one he passes will tell him where Scarlett is or who she's with. After an hour Duke gives up and goes back to Flint's office to grovel with LJ.   They weren't in his office, they weren't in his quarters, which was where he checked next.  He quietly made his way to the quarters Lady Jaye and Scarlett shared. Lady Jaye opened the door wearing a white silk robe tied at the waist. Jaye noticed the despairing look in his eyes and let him in. Flint came out of her bedroom, his unbuttoned shirt pulled out of his waist. 

            "Please. Just tell me where she is.  I know I blew my last chance but I still owe it to her to tell her I love her." 

            Jaye studied him from her perch on Flint's chair, "Do you really?" 

            "Yes." Duke answered her quietly

            "Then why were you not at the auction?" 

            Duke growled low in his throat. "I was blockaded in my room." 

            "You'd better sit back and explain." So Duke related the events that lead up to his interrupting Flint and LJ's amorous activities. 

            "So do you have any idea who it was?"

            "I have a pretty good idea. Shipwreck and Iceberg were in my office just before the auction began." 

            Jaye and Flint trade a look. Flint spoke up, "You'd better tell him. " 

            "Iceberg bought Scarlett." 

Duke got up and stormed out.

            All the while Duke was explaining himself to Jaye, Scarlett made up her mind to quite the slave business. But first thing was first-revenge!

"Stop! Stop! Don't you _dare_ do anything perverted with my clothes!"

A conglomeration of catcalls began as soon as she walked into the cafeteria. "Hey baby!" 

"Looking good…"

"Woohooo… man I've died and gone to heaven!"

"Hey babe, if you're lookin' for a little entertainment look no further!  I got it all right here!"

One well-placed knee took care of that idiot. 

Falcon triumphantly held up the shirt that his friend dropped when Scarlett shut him up. 

"You spastic jerk! Give me that back!" 

"Work for baby!"

Scarlett had had enough with a screaming battle cry she took out the rest of the idiots who had dared to ogle her. When the men were all lying on the ground clutching various parts of their anatomy that had met Scarlett's wrath, she calmly got up and fetched a leftover roast beef sandwich from the lunch cart. She unscrewed the salt and peppershakers and upended them over Iceberg's sandwich. Next she added generous amounts of sugar and spicy taco sauce. She dumped out the contents of the milk container and replaced it with coffee creamer-with a little something extra. She figured if he had the nerve to drink it then he deserved to have the taste of powder in his milk.  She just wished it were the scented baby powder kind instead of the regular-manly man powder the Joe men seemed to prefer. 

            Scarlett had no more trouble from the men as she walked back to Iceberg's quarters clothes and sandwich in hand. 

            "Here you are _master_." 

            "It's good that you're finally learning your place around here." He noticed she looked a little disheveled. "What the hell happened to you?" 

            "I fetched your damn sandwich just like you told me to. I even brought you milk. Is there anything else you want me to do?" 

            "Hmmm. Finish cleaning my room. I'm going to eat!"

            "Fine." Scarlett stalked off to his room where she closed and locked the door while she changed out of the twisted ballerina costume and into her normal clothes. 

            She walked back out when the chocking sounds began.

            "Aghhh! What the hell did you put on this thing! My mouth is on fire!" 

            And in a "oh you poor baby" tone Scarlett passed him the milk, "I'm sure this will make it all better." 

            She walked out the door as he spit out a huge sip of powder-coated milk. 

            "You bitch! That's it I'm through with you! You're way more trouble than I need!"

 Duke found Scarlett coming out of Iceberg's quarters after a very long day full of menial labor. She looked well and truly pissed. He didn't blame her. "What do _you_ want?" she asked snidely. 

            "I…" he was cut off before he could apologize

            "Look, I've had a long day; a really really really long day. So, if you don't mind, I'm going to go back to my quarters, take a nice hot shower, and crawl into bed. Do you have a problem with that?!" 

            "No, but I do have an alternative solution."

            She looked at him warily, "What do you mean?" 

            He stepped closer, "You tired, you've spent the entire day taking care of someone else, let me take care of you. I'll fix you dinner, run you a bath, and you won't have to lift a finger for the rest of the evening. How does that sound?" 

            "Dinner? As in real food, not what the cafeteria calls food?" 

            "Real food. My fridge is stocked, a real dinner, anything you want, so long as I have the stuff to make it, perhaps a little wine to go along with dinner?" 

            By this time Scarlett had closed her eyes. She was tired, but the thought of someone waiting on her hand and foot…especially if that someone was Duke, was enough to make up her mind to forgo sleep in exchange for the possibility of something better…." 

            "Sold." 

            "All right, come on." He held out his hand. She didn't take it. He quirked an eyebrow at her

            "One thing. The auction… why weren't you there? I had at least expected you to put in a bid for the sake of saving me from those lowlifes. You weren't there. Why?" 

            Duke gritted his teeth. He now knew had barricaded him in his office and they would pay, later. 

            "I was unexpectedly detained.  It won't happen again." 

            She seemed half convinced, "Care to elaborate on that soldier?" 

            He moved in close again, "Let me make it up to instead. I'll explain tomorrow or Jaye will. I promise."

            "Fair enough.  You did agree to fix me dinner."

They walk off to his apartment. He fixes her dinner, they ate, and they talked well into the night. 

            "That was nice, Duke. I had a good time, but it's late and I need to get back to my quarters. I still need a bath before turning in." he had an odd look on his face

            "Let me run you a bath here. Jaye brought you a robe and your favorite bubble bath." 

            "Here?" she squeaked. What was he thinking? Jaye had brought her robe? 

            "I'll be a perfect gentleman if that's what your worried about."  He laughed nervously, "You've had a long day, let me take care of you. ". 

            "Let me guess, Jaye invited a certain commanding officer over for the evening and you'd like to spare me from walking in on them?" 

            "Well, not exactly."

            "Never mind, it's not really important. Now about that bath you suggested? I bet it would be just the thing to get the last of these kinks out of my body." 

            He runs her bath, fills it with bubbles, and then leaves to give her some privacy. 

            "Duke?" hearing his name snaps him out of his revelry. He walks into the bathroom, the light dim from the candles she had lit. 

            "Do you need something?" he asked softly

            "My neck is still so sore…" 

            "Maybe a massage will help that, you think?" 

            "Umm, maybe so."

            After a while he stops, "Is there anything else you need?" he mummers in her ear

            "Yes." A hand sneaked out of the bubbles, "You."  

The End.


End file.
